JOKES ON: Beauty Pageants =)

Best of the Best Beauty Pageant Boo Boos

Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your girlfriend?
Male Contestant    :   Uhmm…taptoy.
Host   :   What taptoy?
Male Contestant  :  Taptoy na teddy bird.

_____
Host :  What’s your ideal age for marriage?
Girl   :   Uhm, uhm, I am not sure….
Host :  Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl   :  Uhmm… more.  (Crowd booing… ) Sige, Sige. Less,
less….
_____
Host  :  If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to
showcase the beauty of
the Philippines?
Girl Contestant :   Bocaue.
Host  :   Bocaue.  Why Bocaue?  There are so many places in the
Philippines?  Why Bocaue?
Girl    :   Because it’s a magnificent place.
Host  :   Which part of Bocaue?
Girl    :   The Bocaue Rice Terraces.
(Banawe Kaya Yon!!)
_____
Host   :   How would you like me to address you?
Contestant   :  My address is Project 8, Quezon City.

_____
Host  :    What is your best feature?
Contestant   :   My graduation feature.

____
Host  :    So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant  :  Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!

_____
Host   :     What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant    :    I want to be a successful Medicine.

_____
Host  :    What is your favorite motto?
Contestant   :   (After a long pause)  I don’t have a motto eh.
(So the crowd starts helping  her out.  The crowd starts
saying ‘Time is gold! Time is gold!’)
Contestant  :  I have na po.  Chinese gold!

_____
Host  :  If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person,
how would you do it?’
Contestant  :   That’s a very good question. Keep it up.  (Then the
girl turns and walks away.)

_____
Host   :   So, you’re vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant   :    I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what’s that?
KALABASH?

_____
Host  :    What is your motto?
Contestant   :  Actor!  (Everyone starts laughing.)  Aay, actress
pala.

_____
Host  :  Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl    :  JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host  :  Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl    :  Hulk Hogan.

_____
Host  : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant   :    Uhmm… a bumble bee!

_____
Host  :  What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant :   My edge…. 23 years old.

_____
Host  : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl    : Between 24 and 25!

_____
Host  :  How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl    :  I’ll be 28.

_____
Host  : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl    : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host  : OK, sige!
Girl    : In one word, MY LIFE!
_____
Host  :  So you like reading, who’s your favorite author?
Girl    :  Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host  :  What works of Shakespeare?
Girl    :  Hindi ko po alam eh.
Host  :  But he’s your favorite.
Girl    :  Eh kasi patay na sya eh.
_____
Host  :   What is  the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl    :   Drugs.
Host  :   Why?
Girl    :   Mahal eh!
_____
Host   :  What makes you blush?
Girl     :  Blush on!
_____
Host  :  Hey, I heard you almost didn’t make it, how did you get
here?  Did you ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant  :   Of course, did you ride.  What do you think of

me, did you walk?

Jokes On: CATS and DOGS =)

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to ‘Where do pets come from?’

Adam said, ‘Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you any more. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.’And God said ‘No problem. I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.’

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and it wagged its tail.

And Adam said, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.’

And God said, ‘No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him Dog.’

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.’

And the Lord said, ‘No problem. I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration.’

And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn’t care one way or the other.

Jokes On: Logic Versus Legal =)

After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an “A” for the exam. ”

Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”

Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”

Jokes On: Business Trips+ =)

A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t talk for an hour? The hubby replied: “Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” said the beaming boy to his old man. “Nope,” came dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and commented, “Hmm… That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.” The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn’t have any change for a reward.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jokes on: Being Pregnant Unexpectedly =)

‘A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant.

Scared, she confides this ‘news’ to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house;

A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: ‘Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.

However, I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take responsibility.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’

At this point, the father, who had remained silent,

places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him,

”

‘

‘

‘

‘

‘

‘

‘You can try again! ‘

=)

Battle of DETERGENTS =)

~ ~ ~ On Ariel and Tide ~ ~ ~

Promoter: Misis, kapag pinaghalo ang Ariel at Tide, bubula kaya?

Misis: Aba, siyempre!

Promoter: Mali!

Misis: Bakit naman?

Promoter: Wala pang tubig, excited ka? =)

Got this joke from a friend. Check http://angelmeg9.blogspot.com for more. Ciao! =)

Pls Repost: AN INVITATION TO EXPAND YOUR BUSINESSES IN LAGUNA =)

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GLISTEN CONCEPTS
(A One-Stop Wedding Shop)
is opening in Cabuyao!

You are cordially invited to
celebrate the opening of
our new store in FORAB Complex
(10 steps away from NESTLE)

Private Opening – August 1-3
Grand Opening Celebration – August 16

Tell this code (Holly-8 Wood-1)
for a chance to get 20% discount or more
in our events services, seminars and goods!

No dress code =)

Just please RSVP ANGEL MEG
09163763718

~ ~ ~

PS
For those who are interested to expand
their PhotoVid, Gown, Cake, Invitations, Balloons, etc. businesses in Laguna,
Angel MEG charges a very minimal fee of P450/month.
That is for the inclusions of your leaflets and paraphernalia,
plus a meeting space (whenever you’re in the area)
Also, a bunch of sure referrals. =)

Via Gcash/LBC  na lang po yung payment & LBC ‘yung collaterals.

Mabuhay po tayong lahat! God bless! =)

Fw: A Spanish Lesson

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that, in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’
‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’
So, a student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
‘computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The
men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine
gender (‘la Computadora’ ), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine
(‘el computador’) , because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know…and all the men that have a

good sense of humor. =)

GLISTEN CONCEPTS (A One-Stop Wedding Shop) is opening in Cabuyao! =)

GLISTEN CONCEPTS
(A One-Stop Wedding Shop)
is opening in Cabuyao!

You are cordially invited to

celebrate the opening of

our new store in Forab Complex.

(10 steps away from NESTLE)

Private Opening – August 1-3
Grand Opening Celebration – August 16

Tell this code (Holly-8 Wood-1)
for a chance to get 20% discount or more
in our events services, seminars and goods!

No dress code =)

Just please RSVP ANGEL MEG

09163763718

Don’t LIE =)

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner…..who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Kumar’s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, Kumar volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.” About a week later, Sunita came! to Kumar saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” Kumar said ,”Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, jjust to be sure.”

So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:

I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the silver plate from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son:

I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Sunita, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow…

Love,

Mama =)